You know – working every day does suck – but so would not working ever. I mean the not working part is great – but the having no money part, not so.
Anyone ever ask you – if you didn’t have to think about money, what would you do? Ask anyone under the age of 30 and it’s probably like – fuck yeah, I’d drive around all over the place and see the world (or at least the lower 48). Outdoorsy people would be all like – #vanlyfe and drive around national parks and camp and love it. Foodies drive to all the awesome food hubs and dare I say it – start some froofy food travel blog about all the hole-in-the-wall places that you should go to when you visit Greencastle, IN. Hint: it’s not BW3s. Sport fans would drive and go to all the ball parks, all the stadiums and watch weird crap like lumberjack games, and cricket.
I think I’d like the van life. I’d probably have to do some kind of combination. You know – otherwise I’d probably get unmotivated after a month on the road. What’s one more dirt road when you’ve had it for days on end?
I’m starting to get the sense that this blog is going to become my long internal (now permanent) rant of complaints – and I really want to steer away from that. Who knows, if this becomes something I actually want to re-read on day, I can’t sit there and vomit all over my former self. I have a lot to love. I have found the absolute love of my life – and I know for sure that there are not many people that can say the same. So I guess that’s one thing I can raise my hand about. I know – there’s a lot that goes with that, but since I’ve already titled this post “Money…” I’m going to go back to the mushy gushy relationship stuff later.
Point is. I’m not sure what I’d do if not worry about money. Because right now, I have a hard time doing a job if I’m not around the thing that makes me truly fully happy. And maybe that’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship – but I really can’t think of anything more false. I want to be motivated. I want to help provide a life we can both be proud of – and both enjoy, together. Right now – every job (even ones that claim super awesome “work/life balance”) just takes me away from happiness. I mean everyone has got to be sitting at work going – “I can’t wait to finish this conference call so I can go cuddle with my wife.” Maybe what I’ve been doing hasn’t been important enough to really make me feel like my presence is essential to someone or something. Something that actually matters. Because no matter what – I’m finding that what I really want is more time with the person I love.
So what’s next? I don’t know. I want something that is challenging and fun. Something that doesn’t tear me away from my family in that tragic way you see all around you. People you love missing things, important things, for meetings or calls or sleep to be ready for the calls and meetings.
People often say something about finding a job where you live to work or where you work to live. I’d like to be in that work to live category, but I guess I need something to help me figure out how to get there. Right now I’m sitting here typing away, got a shit-ton of laundry to do, got a messy house, and the list goes on. I used to say I wanted to be a “home-maker” and marry someone that wanted to do all the money work – but I can’t honestly say I’d even be good at that. Where’s the motivation come from? The money? The love? Raise your hand if… you know what I’m talking about and you’re living breathing proof it can be overcome. Seriously, if you exist that’d be something else.
Maybe I need a true step by step plan to get my ass back on track. But first let me go take care of another load of laundry.